Evan's Birthday

Evan,

You came to Mommy and Daddy on a Monday night. The first sight of you my eyes were filled with an image of chubby flesh and a red face as you cried your way into the world. "It's a boy" the doctors said but I knew. I somehow knew all along you were a boy. I am not sure how or why. I think even at early pregnancy the Mommy instinct had begun, and thus I just knew.

I didn't think I would ever be a Mommy. I didn't think I could get pregnant. No rhyme no reason just a few bumbs along the way. But with the doctors help and the Lord's prayer you arrived into my life and changed me forever. I knew I loved you upon sight. But I didn't really fall in love with you until I looked in your eyes and saw your spirit My Evan. So beautiful so sweet so perfectly mine. You gave us a scare at 4 days old. You had a seizure and stayed in the hospital for 5 days. We were unable to bring you home with us when we left the hospital and I get my first taste of feeling completely vulnerable and utterly terrified that I would not be able to protect you. I would sleep with the receiving blanket that you were wrapped in and prayed for you. You were thankfully okay and we brought you home to begin our journey as a family.

We were beginners you see. Eager and excited but completely untrained Your Daddy and I were flying only on pure instinct and pure gut. You showed us that patience is everything and sleep would eventually come back. You showed us that holding you wrapped warm in a blanket was your favorite place to be you had no idea how many times Mommy and Daddy just stared at you in amazement. Your first hiccup after the seizure was a dairy allergy. We had to switch you to a special formula which somehow you seemed to scarf down at every meal despite how bad it smelled to Mommy and Daddy. You began to amaze us a bit more every day as you started to stay awake longer and found your way around your world with long eye gazes and my favorite, your first smile. For the longest time Daddy was the only one who could make you laugh. Mommy was so jealous.... But she got over it. Especially when you were upset and Mommy's arms was the only place you wanted to be. As you grew your personality came out in such neat ways. You seemed to like order and everything had a special place. You were fascinated with Tupperware and loved to stack things in a simple line. I began to see bits and pieces of Daddy in you as you brainstormed and problem solved where every little piece of your play toys belonged.

Your first word was "dog" and your favorite toys were cars. You loved stealing my cell phone, and sometimes calling people without your knowledge (or mine). When you were 6 months old Mommy and Daddy learned you were going to be a big brother. We wrote the news on your tummy with a sharpie pen and handed you to your grandparents for them to discover this when they changed your diaper. It was a great way for you to tell them. You didn't seem to like change, especially with food. You preferred your bottle over Jarred baby food. and I didn't think I would ever get you to learn to eat off a spoon. You first solid food was cheerios and Mommy discovered the pure bliss of being able to plop you down in your high chair with cheerios while she made dinner (or watch a Friends episode on T.V.).

You have had so many wonderful first since then. Your first Christmas, your first Birthday. A car accident where you were very scared but thank god you were okay. We moved into a new house and brought home your new baby brother when you were just a year old. You were so sweet Evan. If you were jealous you only showed me in small doses. You really handled that so well. After Ryan got bigger and got into your toys, that was a different story. You didn't like sharing at first and Mommy had to come to terms with the concept of "tough love" You began getting time outs and every now and then a spanking. But as Ryan grew and you grew you began to tolerate him more and eventually looked at him as a friend. Meanwhile more and more of your spirit would come out in so many wonderful ways. You have such a tender little heart. You are kind and quietly observant of everything going on a round you. You still like for things to have a special order and God forbid Mommy comes into your room and messes with things. I love that you stick up for yourself yet you still love to crawl in my lap and snuggle for a long time.

You have change so much in the past year. You talk all the time now and right now you seem to love anything about science. Outer Space, nature....even bugs. You have such a great big heart and you seem to get your feelings hurt pretty easily. At the end of the day after Daddy has put you to bed you always call for me after about 10 minutes so you can show me the stars from your window. You say you want to fly to the moon when you grow up and I kiss you on the head and tell you you can be anything you want to be.

That's my wish for you Evan. For you to be anything you want to be. I want you to follow your heart and follow you dreams and find what makes you happy and live your life to the fullest. I say to you every now and then that you will always be my baby and that will never change. You are four now and I know you are growing up more and more on my every day. But you and I have a special bond Evan. You made me a Mommy. And on your birthday I am reminded more and more of what a wonderful gift that truly is. Happy birthday baby boy. I love you more than you will ever know.

Love,

Mommy