How are they Mine?

I am sometimes hit with this question... How can they be mine? These beautiful, active, funny, adorable little creatures....How is this possible? I mean I aways knew one day I would be a Mom but sometimes when I look at Evan and Ryan I am hit with such an amazing feeling of luck. They were meant for me....I was meant for them and yet I still sometimes wonder how? I hits me in small waves... Last night when I was checking on them before I went to bed. They were sound asleep each in their own little ways. Evan curled up in a ball, all his "bankies" rolled up in a ball tucked underneath him. His heavy breathing and a slight little whimper as I lean down and kiss his check, almost inhale him and the faint scent of his bath form hours earlier. He is growing up on me so fast. He will be 4 in January. And yet I still inhale him every night like I did when he was a baby. His soft check his sweet little nose.... All trouble he had given me earlier in the day completely forgotten as I close his door and whisper "nigh night."

On to Ryan's room. The night light illuminates his perfect white blonde hair shaggy over his closed eyes. Still in a crib, I lean over and realize that soon he will be in a big boy bed like his brother and how this is possible his last link to babyhood. He will be 3 in February, defiantly no longer a baby but oh in so many ways he is. Especially when he is a sleep. He still loves to sleep on his back, his arms outstretched over his head. His cheeks puffed out in deep slumper and I really see how more and more he is looking like his Daddy. I rub his tummy, lay a light blanket over him and tell him I love him. I walk out of the room and stand in the hall way between their doors. Again wondering.... "How are they mine?"

They just are. And luckily for me, they always will be... and tonight I am writing this all down so I will never forget this time in my life and theirs.